Right now, in no particular order

I am lonely.
I am sad.
I feel invisible.
I don't think I matter like I wish I did.
My greatest goal is to be a good mother.
I waste so much time.
I have regrets.
I feel like, right now, there is something missing.
I have always been a little sad and never sure how to explain.
People don't really want an answer when they ask how you are...
I stopped answering.
No one noticed.
I am torn.
I am FRUSTRATED.
I feel lost.
I hate when a good movie ends.
I hate it even more when it's a good book.
I am drawn to music.
I need to create, it feeds my soul.
I haven't created in a while.
I love my job.
I hate that I have to work.
I really wish I had test drove the subaru outback.
I have very few real friends.
Very few.
I need to learn to say no.
I feel like I am always being judged.
I hate food.
I eat too much.
I don't recognize who I see in the mirror.
I need to love me.
I don't.
I am having a hard time right now.
I have a horrible time making decisions.
I wish I didn't let other people hurt me so much.
I am silent.
Silence can be crushing.
I worry.
I thought I would be in a different place by this time in my life.
I feel like I failed, let myself down.
I LOVE the new show Prime Suspect.
And Parenthood.
And Sonic cranberry iced tea.
And polar bears.

I am trying to go to sleep and hope this brain dump helps with that. I have to start teaching tomorrow at work and my whole day is moved up 4 hours and my body doesn't understand. I am struggling right now. That being said I know that everything will work out. And some of these things are long deep issues that I am trying to be aware of and work through. And really i am just having a crappy night :0). It will be better in the morning.